Big Booty Chronicles – Never Trust A Big Butt and A Smile

When I hear never trust a big butt and a smile I think of a lot of shit including you but I don’t trust women anyway. Good and bad shit come to mind, it’s like dealing with anything in life that you want… all that glitters aint gold. I had some like that women but they were trash underneath. I consider them trash because a person who is confident in their physical appearance knows what options they have.

Never trust a big butt and a smile because…Man every girl with a big butt isn’t good. Niggas just ain’t supposed to fall in love with these hoes just cuz they got body! The body and the smile makes it hard to see who they really are. You see, a big butt and a smile brings a lot of attention. We be feelin like somebody built like you got a million niggas hittin your phone all day everyday whether you actually do or not.

I feel like a girl with a phat ass and a pretty smile is a gold digger and a user. She got the power to hypnotize a nigga just off her looks alone. A girl like that is manipulative, she’ll trick you into getting whatever she wants. Especially if the nigga intimated by her.

Scene 1.

Yasiin Bey (formerly known as Mos Def): Ms. Phat Booty is literally like one of the favoritest songs of all time. The intro instantly always play in my head. When I hear: Never Trust A Big Butt and A Smile, this is the first song that comes to mind. Yes I think of that before I think about BBD (Bell Biv DeVoe) and their classic hit “Poison”. It’s so much truth to both songs man I would be lying if I tried to deny any of it. In Ms. Phat Booty tho, Mos says, “In she came with the same type game; The type of girl giving out the fake cell phone and name”. This was me like a muggggg back in my day. I’ve given out fake numbers sooo many times and got cursed the fuck out for it too every single time. It got to the point where I had to start calling ahead to warn my girls that I had given out their number (sorry Aloha🌺 & Zin♥️). My phone numbers were (202) 341-4037 and (202) 604-4225 but those were really Zin and Aloha’s phone numbers. My aliases were always Judy or Jessica. I’m sure Judy comes as no surprise now thanks to the Party Girl$ days. Jessica was the name that came to mind within three seconds of being asked what my name was. Jessica was never just any random name though. It just rolled off of my tongue.

I did that for many reasons but mainly because of what I learned from growing up with boys. When you grow up with boys it’s kind of difficult to not think like them. My brothers that I grew up with influenced my behavior so much when it came to males outside of them. I always would joke with them and say “I’m never getting married or I’m never getting a boyfriend.” I knew to distinguish their guy talk from things I’d soon be experiencing but just like daddy telling me about how boys think, most if not all the shit that they said about girls just festered in the back of my head. In my mind, I had to always be ten steps ahead. If I’m going out with my friends, of course I’m going to look good but I did also know that someone would try to ask me for my number. Would I know their true intentions behind it? Well it depends. What I learned from my brothers was that a man will approach you by how he sees you. If they see you as just somethin to hit, they’ll approach you as so. Mannerisms don’t matter, whether they think you’re a classy lady doesn’t matter. If you’re dressed like a hoe, it’s likely you’ll get treated like one. Now when you dressed like a lady, mannerisms matter. The effort is there to make a good impression. If they approached you with no respect still, then the nigga was a fuckboy from the jump. Wave the red flag sis 🚩. A descent guy though, he’d at least try to throw in a joke to make you laugh, smile or even use a pick up line and call you beautiful. What I did not know, was that I’d run into some dudes who would play both sides. In the beginning they’re nice, gentleman like, and seem courteous. Over some time though, they’ll put the press on to “get some”. Do wild shit like invite you over during booty call hours or call you all types of names and say that you was ugly from the beginning. They might even try to get you home on that third date. You learn from experiences like that and build on them. Being ten steps ahead meant that I had to accept that a nigga might go hard to impress me just for the opportunity to hit just ONE time. Ten steps ahead meant that I had to be prepared to play the game. I’m not saying this to say that all of my experiences with guys have been negative because they haven’t been. What I’m saying is that no matter the number of conversations I overheard from my brothers, I was honestly never 100% prepared for the game. Some shit you just have to experience because those lessons from experiences just can’t be taught. I lived vicariously through them, I loved their stories. I just had to realize that I am a female first. While I loved listening to them, I was the same female that they’d be talking about out of fun. No judgement whatsoever, I love them no differently. I shared my opinions and if I felt like they were wrong, they listened. They’re still men nevertheless. My share of experiences like the ones above are just two reasons why girls feel like they have to be so guarded before letting someone in. It takes time to get to know a person beyond the surface. So while everyone likes to believe they’re so nonjudgmental, I honestly beg to differ. We come up with these ideologies about who people are just from what we see. As humans we do this subconsciously. Perfection is a misconception. Let me explain.

There’s a lot of people, men and women, who look at me and see perfection. A a pretty face, slim waist, a flat stomach, hips, and phat ass with thighs to match. Simply perfection. But what I want people to understand is that there is so much more to me beyond just a big butt and a smile. Sure, I got braces because I wanted perfect teeth. However, I’m not aiming for perfection, to be famous or be in the spotlight as some people like to push me to pursue. There are a lot of people caught up and losing themselves trying to be a “somebody”. I get it, there are a lot of women who are getting plastic surgery done to look like me, so everybody say’s I’m lucky or I’m fortunate. However, I feel like women should be happy with what naturally we have. I had a very close friend tell me that she felt like some girls feel like they have to do extra in order to get the attention that I get. I’m always trying to explain that the attention that I get is not always warranted. All attention isn’t good attention. Shit, attention period isn’t always wanted. I know that I share physical similarities between the Blac Chynas, the Bernice Burgoses, the Nicki Minajs and the Kimmy Ks but the difference between me and them isn’t just that my ass is real. I feel like they’ve ruined what it’s like to be a woman with a big ass in general. Don’t get me wrong, it’s their bodies they can do what they want to do with them. But I know that there’s someone like me who at times feel like I’m too ashamed to share my physical feature with them. When I say share I mean that as in have this similarity. While there are people out here in our regular lives praising my body and my ass, Chyna, Bernice, Kim and Nicki are on instagram trying to break the internet with extra exposure just to keep themselves relevant. Three of the four are mothers. If I had to compare, they’re the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Never Trust A Big Butt and A Smile. What does that say about me? If ever I became a legit author, I could never see me on the cover of a book or magazine with my ass out. Shit I died on the inside the first time I wore a thong bathing suit in public. Lol. It was quite the experience I must admit. Sometimes I think less is just better, well in my own case that is. I got so much ass that with a thong on it was just on ovvvvvverload. I was walking round feelin my booty just bouncing all over the place. It was just too damn much for my own self and I know it cause I felt it lol. I’m sure if my self was watching my own damn self walkin round in that thick thighs saves lives bathing suit I would be like got damn!! And I hate when people do that to me. I did pose in a picture one time for Everything Destroyed with the phatty but bestttt believe I was dying on the inside lol. Moving on.

Some will argue with me about it boiling down to having confidence. I say it’s all on the individual and how far they’re willing to go to get rich. They get millions of dollars for what they do so maybe they’re cool with it or it just comes with the territory, I don’t know. If it works for them it works for them. I just know that if I ever had a daughter I would tell her to respect herself and her body. That everything isn’t for everybody, your body is your prized possession so treat it as such. It’s alright to show a little, but always keep it cute and always be a lady first. I wouldn’t so much mind being in a bathing suit as long as I’m covered up a little. But I got so much ass I just feel like there’s no need to have it ALL out. So when considering those things I had to stop and ask myself: how far would I actually go to make myself known? How far would I go in order to get famous??

These questions really became a reality just a few years back, around 2012 or so. I had the blonde dreads with a orange patch on the left side of my head. I was a lil bit slimmer at this time but anyways…

P.S: My bestie Zin (in the middle), made her own bathing suit in this photo ♥️ shop Fancy Feline now!

I’ll never forget when I ran into the CEO of Show Magazine, an exotic magazine for curvy women. That’s basically how I can best describe it. His name was Sean Cummings, big black dude with a box shaped head. I can’t remember where exactly I met him, maybe in Vegas. But I do remember him asking me if I was interested in becoming a model. I was, I mean I thought I was at least. Everybody I met were already asking me if I modeled. I’m like shit this could be my ticket right here, I can be famous! I started thinking about all the trips I can go on and how much money I would probably see. I was excited just thinking about living this luxurious life. All the people I get to meet. Yeah I had many thoughts about it until I learned about what his definition of modeling meant. During our first initial conversation, he never mentioned anything about nudity or lingerie. He just asked about modeling. Sean gave me his card and told me to call him when I was interested. I pondered on that business card for a long ass time. I remember calling my bestie and Ma and asking their opinions about it. I wanted to model solely because I knew I had the body to do it. Now looking back it was a bit naive of me to think he wanted me to do any kind of modeling besides lingerie or nudity; however, I was a little younger so give me a pass. Anyways, both my Ma and my bestie were supportive of it. In reference to my Ma, I mean we talked long about it and my sentiments were just that I didn’t want to pose naked. Or have my ass like smack in front of the camera 🤣. She agreed. I deadass had reservations about those two things. I knew Ma and my bestie would be right there by my side and with whatever but I can also see Ma now. Cursing out the photographer and trying to beat his ass for getting too close to me lol. I was working at the Spirit Of Washington, IRS and Sports Zone at the time. Yes I worked all three jobs and I was in college full time. So I’m looking at this offer as a way to save myself. “Could this really be my ticket to getting rich?”, was all I would ask myself. It wasn’t a simple yes because from the time he and I first spoke I was hesitant. I knew that if I went along with this shit that I wouldn’t even have to work this hard anymore like fuck it. What do I have to lose? I remember I had Sean’s business card in my hand one day. I was at the Spirit Of Washington job inside of the ticket booth. I kept hesitating on calling him while starring out of the window of the booth, nervous as shit. So look I called him up right. He didn’t remember me and so asked me to send pictures. Now the gag is of course I had to do that so that the nigga would remember me. He wouldn’t just remember my face, so I sent a full body picture and no my ass was not in the camera. You can see it from the front anyway (just kidding). I called him back once the pictures sent and it turns out that he remembered me. Sean then asked about my thoughts because the last time we spoke I was a little unsure of the kind of modeling I wanted to do, but sure that I wanted to do something. I stuck by my word though, no ass shots. He said that basically nudity and lingerie came with the territory. The job was to be an exotic model and that there were times that they’d want pictures of my ass. And I honestly wasn’t with it. I couldn’t see myself doing that for no dollar amount. Even though the opportunity was there, I turned it down. I don’t regret it but man who knows where that could’ve taken me years ago. I could’ve been famous by now and yeah it would’ve been sweet I’m sure. I would’ve been a somebody. But all I could think about was, “damn, what if my daddy see me on the cover of a magazine lookin wild. What if he’s at work and one of his buddies or co workers is randomly talking about this magazine and points to a picture with me in it lookin raunchy?”. “What about my brother, niggas gon be so disrespectful probably calling me a hoe to him and some more shit”. “What about my future kids or my husband, I don’t want this to follow them or for it come back on me”. I know some people would say that I’m grown and I can do what I want. Despite the fact that this is true, I still value the opinions of my family and my loved ones. I’m more willing to represent them with the utmost respect which means to always be aware of my actions. Considering that which is just the facts, I would never want to be in a situation feeling like I did something that I can’t take back. No lie I honestly thought of about all of these things, I even told my Ma. She never disagreed with me and I’m sure in the back of her mind she was happy as fuck lol. Plus, when I ran it by my daddy I mean really his only response was to keep my clothes on. And every response to statements such as going out of town or even staying the night with the girls was followed with: “just make sure you keep your clothes on.” Lol. It was no way I could take that opportunity. If I ever did get famous I wouldn’t want to be famous for being an exotic model or having for just a big ass. I’m not saying doing any of that is bad, it’s just not for me. I used to look at them Jet Beautys Of The Week and think I was going to be one of them. Used to be a used to. It’ll never be that simple for me all because of how I’m built. That’s why sometimes I think it’s okay to care about what other people think. People like to glorify being famous as if some famous people don’t wish they can go back and have regular ass lives. I’m a somebody whether I’m a famous or not. Big ups to the girls who would’ve been with it but I’m good off that lol. What’s for me will ALWAYS be for me. I believe more in staying true to myself. I can’t even pose with my ass out on my regular ass Instagram (because I don’t want to), so it was no way I could do it for a magazine. It’s just not my lane. In the end you look on social media and it’s become a thing to post twerking videos or wear too small bathing suits that accentuate the features. No shots fired, I’m just stating facts. I don’t know for sure if girls are competing with each other for the likes or what. Me personally, I’m just going to be Britany. That’s all I know how to be and it doesn’t require any work to do so. If I’m going to be known or famous, it won’t be because I exploited my body all over the internet.

Some people would compare me not being with modeling for Show Mag as not being comfortable in my own skin and I personally don’t believe it’s about that. I grew up with this body so it’s nothing to me. I would much rather be known for being a good person, or for having a positive influence on someone, or empowering others, for being a good friend or an a awesome daughter and a loving sister. Having a big ass does not define me. Yes, I’m grateful that I am built this way. This is normal for me though. It’s nothing to boast and brag about. My point is that there’s so much more to people beyond the surface. So when people say Never Trust A Big Butt & A Smile, I would hope they don’t paint the image of Black Chyna, Kim K, Nicki or Bernice Burgos. I’m not saying this to put them down because they’re all beautiful women. Just like I’m trying to prove that there’s more to me beyond the surface, I’m sure that it is more to them as well. All I’m saying is I’m just a regular ass girl, with a big ass, that’s actually MY real big ass, and I don’t have to go above and beyond to flaunt it. I do what’s comfortable for me and wear what looks good on me. That’s what being comfortable in my own skin means to me.

All in all it’s really difficult, when you think about it, to ignore the types of stereotypes that both genders tend to place each other in. You know, it baffled me to hear that guys really do believe some of those things that I mentioned in the intro. They fail realize that not all girls with big butts move and think like that. It’s the same as girls thinking all guys want is just sex when all guys don’t think that way. They all want it, but they’re not all led by it. I know some guys who hate feeling like they have to prove themselves as not to be “one of them types that just want to fuck” or the “fuckboy” type. I totally get it. For years I have sometimes went out of my way trying to prove myself to be a “good girl” or just a good person in general just so that people wouldn’t look at me and judge me by what they saw. Eventually I just got to a point where I just said fuck it. I know I’m a good person and whether they see that or not isn’t really my business. I know that my ass doesn’t make me so their opinion doesn’t matter. People will always choose to see what they want to see in you. Just like I choose to see the good in people, different situations and circumstances because that’s just who I am as an individual. Even after reading this post, some niggas is still gonna think negative when they hear or say Never Trust A Big Butt & A Smile. In all actuality I don’t think people really know how it goes. Why is it that a girl with a phat booty and a pretty smile such as myself are considered some sort of root of all evil? Can we really not be trusted? Is it because we really are poison? I got a whole lot of reasons why 😈 . But you’re going have to wait for Scene Two to this: Never Trust A Big Butt & A Smile😏 to find all of that out. 🌹